Speak to your children as if they are the wisest, kindest and most beautiful creatures on earth, for what they believe is what they will become.”
– Brooke Hampton
Children are wired to emulate others, act with resilience, and learn from their environment. When a child’s words are not just heard, but listened to, they believe those words matter. It is important to honor this because when we matter, we become empowered. We elevate our interest in our environment and the people around us. This creates a “buy in” that we as grown-ups need from our children because it affects the way they behave, their heart for others, and the way they contribute to the world.
We want our children to believe they “can do it”. Self-efficacy is how one feels about their ability to succeed in certain situations. Understanding this concept as adults leads us to demonstrate what success looks like for a child. As an example, when dealing with frustration, we use words rather than action. We demonstrate that verbal communication is more effective than hitting or snatching a toy. If tone is careful vs impulsive, we demonstrate the value in selecting our words for impacting another. We practice what kindness looks like, followed by an explanation. Like this: “I like that you used words to say what you mean, now your friend knows. Words help others to understand what we are feeling.” We need to teach children that the way they handle experiences can feel fulfilling. When they choose control over impulse they will feel better because the result is more consistent and builds stronger relationships. When children are shown kindness, treated with kindness, and expected to treat others with kindness, they accept that “kind” is who they are. What they believe is what they will become.
When we encourage clear communication and expect clear communication in return, it elevates the environment we share. It shows a child what success looks like. It gives them a tool for success in future situations they’ll find frustrating. An example would be a tattle about something that can be solved between children, such as, “She took that from me!!” We want children to see their own power and recognize that grown-ups see power in them as well. Teaching children how to manage this power effectively enhances a child’s self esteem. In this scenario, walk with the child back to the scene of the crime, and with your narrative assistance, THEY handle the issue. You say this: “Tell her you had that and she can have it in two minutes. Sharing means we take turns and she would like a turn after you.” The adult waits for the offended child to speak these guided words to the offender while silently overseeing the conversation between them. The toy is returned to it’s original owner for two minutes and both parties feel satisfied. This method takes practice for all students. They must understand the plan and the two minutes must be honored by you, the adult who led them to that bargain. It is amazing that given this strategy, children of a 3 year old classroom can learn to navigate sharing independently.
Encouraging children to believe they are wise gives them permission to think critically, problem solve and make connections because they have been empowered to do so. “Children learn what they live.” My job as an educator is to seek the best in a child and help them to reach that potential. Wisdom is knowledge paired with experience. A child gains knowledge at an alarming rate (simply by being a child), so we already have half of the equation. Now we pair that with the theory about self-efficacy, and we have wisdom. Children become wise when given the opportunity.
The consistency in practicing these techniques has proven to create a peaceful preschool classroom and a peaceful home. Since children possess this potential, “we must speak to them as if they are the wisest, kindest and most beautiful creatures on earth, for what they believe is what they will become.”
Wonderful!